Chapter 1 Joel’s Story (Diary entry)

Saturday August 2nd

Well, skool is officially OUT! I feel good, I’m riding high kinda good.

How better to celebrate the end of 1st year at Uni than partying with my dudes in an abandoned school!? I was well excited when Si told me about it, two whole weeks of it, a bit of filming, (i don’t think Si will spend too much time on it cos it’s a month overdue), some fun and laughter spooking them all with my phantom pranking, and getting trashed. Yep. Then I’ll be back with Lee to Lincolnshire to spend the rest of the hols with Lisa. Perfectomundo!

So we are here, in da house! It’s pretty wrecked, but the others seem to love it. It is actually a mammoth place with creeped out rooms and endless sketchy corridors that I aint going down, dudes. I might be able to ‘persuade’ them to go down and freak them all the hell out!

It was pretty dodgy in the car coming here though. Anna was in a right strop and Casey almost blasted her. I was hoping she would carry through cos Anna was being real bunk. Everyone was ready to heave up cos her driving was insane and Si didn’t speak at all the whole time. I guess he was bummed about having to travel in a car after his accident. Yeh, but the thing is, it wasn’t even his fault, that accident. If I were him I wouldn’t be wasting my energy bumming out on something like that. He’s gone and got himself in serious shit with Cooper as well, not handing in his final project. Well, he spends too much time reading pretentious philosophy books (Camus-shmoo!) and those fucking articles about contemporary film. Get a grip, man and get your own shit sorted out! He needs to stay on his grind, big style. I didn’t have to research anyone else’s films, I just thought of my own and did it. What’s the point of imitation? We are at film school to produce new stuff not copy the old and haggered.

But I love the dude and hope he gets over all this traumatising fast so we can party on. Annabelle also needs to get her shit together and dump Michael’s beater-ass before I rip his head off. Chloe’s onto him as well. I heard her talking to Lee about him this morning, saying that he has threatened to find her and take her home. What a fucking tool. He aint going to seek her out in this place, that’s for sure. She needs to just snap out of it and realise that we are all responsible for our own choices. I want to pulverize the dude and I’m not even joking. The douche bag is pure bait.

I’m glad Casey’s here as well, I like her. I hung out with her when I went to Lincs to see Lisa and that weekend she came to London to see Dez. She seems aloof and all ‘look at me being all elusive’ but when she chills she is a good laugh and can give as much as she gets. Kick ass kid. I reckon she would be a great fellow pranker, so I’m going to try and get her on board. We have to lighten up this mood. If we can’t party then we’ll prank. I’m pretty sure Casey would agree!

Dez seems well stoked to be with Casey. That’s nice to see. He’s a had a shitty time with women, he has. Annabelle seems a bit possessive of him and he’s said stuff to me about it, her being really demanding. She is definitely a high maintenance chick. She doesn’t talk to me as much as she did, but apart from Dez she seems to me to be steering well clear of the male species. That Michael has torn her up the fuckward.

Yeh so let the good times roll. I’ve got all my stuff set up. We’ve dumped all our sleeping bags and blankets in the main lounge room that we’ve called the Ballroom cos it’s huuuge. It must have been dripping at one point in history cos it’s got high ceiling to floor windows with these heavy ass velvet curtains strewn down onto the carpet. I pushed the sofas back and set up ready to get trashed. No TV and no lecky except in the kitchen! Sketchy! But we brought candles and torches, so awesomeness prevails. I got my stereo and speakers set up so we can at least have ‘choones’. I’m sat on my makeshift bed now writing this while they all get some food on the go. I hope we’ve got enough scran for two weeks cos Anna’s the only one with wheels. I’ve got some tins of stuff if we run out, but judging by the boot of the 4×4 we are ok for a least a decade!

LOADS of alcohol too. Get it on….!

**************************** *~* ********************************

Oh crap, I feel well wasted.

It was a champion evening it has to be said. As soon as Lee had virtually broken into the place, I was in there with my stuff and seeking out the kitchen to deposit my supplies. And get some wine. Standard. Dez had already taken up most of the fridge with all his and Casey’s bizarre hippie food but I managed to squeeze my beers in there. Well, half of them. Made sure I put my name in BIG felt pen across the top cos no beezy is getting their mits on my stella art.

I sat there and drank. I was parched. the kitchen is mega, I mean HUGE. I expected it to be stripped bare, it’s been empty for a gazillion years. But no. Boom ting amazing.

I called Lisa and chatted to her for a while. She sounded bummed that she couldn’t be here. Only a week or so babe. I just wanna chill my boots this week and have some serious fun. I don’t need her being all demanding.

The others started drinking more or less as soon as they got in. We didn’t even unpack properly. Wacked. I managed to have a little dig at OCD Annabelle. She needed to lighten up after being so huffy in the car. I chucked a filthy rag at her which I guess was cruel given her current issues regarding cleanliness, but come on. We’re in a fabulously fucked up old mansion house and she’s all excited because the kitchen’s clean. I sat opposite the love birds and after flirtatiously winking at her, I offered Casey some vino rouge, which she almost ripped off my hand for. I like her. I don’t know if Dez noticed my little flirt but just testing him haha.

And wtf is Annabelle’s problem with Lee? She was sitting there just smiling at him for NO REASON WHATSOEVER. Is she trying to wind Casey up, or what? I felt like throwing another dirty, dirty cloth at her but couldn’t see one anywhere. Then me and Si started bantering on Dez, which is always fun. He played up to it as usual and Casey was loving it. He actually drank a whole glass of wine! Ease up, munchkin! He made sure he ate Casey’s face almost clean off before he drank it, the slut. Those two are sickening. Annabelle actually walked out and Simon just stared. I don’t know what he was thinking cos he had his poker face afixed firmly. I thought it was grand.

When they came up for air, I thought it apt to point out to her that the wine must be excellentamundo. Her cheeks were all flushed and she started giggling. Simon was staring at her. I mean staring.

We all went a bit flooby then, like we couldn’t stop laughing. I was nearly hyperventilating. Casey was trying to get it out of us why we call Lee Dez. For some reason unbeknown to me, the whole scenario was fucked up, I mean seriously hilarious. I just kept seeing through my squinting eyes, Si with tears cascading down his cheeks and Lee and Casey standing there, peeing themselves. WTF, man, just whatever.

I thought I’d better break up the lust-fest and suggested out for a ciggie, so we all piled out into the heat of the summer air. No, not really. It wasn’t hot, it was fucking bitter. I then had to explain the Dez thing without cracking myself up again. Then I told them about Sarah in class who keeps sending me moronic notes written in code. I mean how primary school playground! I just write back with random symbols and she keeps having orgasms over it and writing more and more bullcrap. Then Annabelle turned up with Chloe. Dez assumed that was where Annabelle had gone, but I saw differently, the way she left the kitchen when him and Case were at it. She was pissed off, man, seriously bummed out. What in the name of shiz is going down here in rural- ville?! 🙂

Chlo seemed to adopt Casey, but that’s nothing abnormal for her. They disappeared, the three of them and we stayed outside to smoke. I had brought my bottle of vino outside and sipped it (gulped tbh) out the bottle. Annabelle looked seriously stressed out and smoked like, 5 cigs in a row. Si had his head down and only looked up to talk to me. I felt a bit weirded out, I won’t lie. It was all a bit too wacked for me in my wine soaked state. Annabelle started to talk about Casey and Si then looked up. She was saying she was being a stuck up cow and that she had it in for her. Si was like, no she hasn’t and saying she was paranoid. Anna kept giving Si the worst, face slap dagger faces I have ever seen. Simon then proceeded to say stuff about Casey like how cool she was and how lucky Dez was. Annabelle was livid, I could sense her blood boiling in her veins. I was like, what Si? He never talks about the female species like that. I had started thinking he was asexual. Or just totally non sexual. It was all a bit drunk hazy, but the last thing I remember was Si telling Annabelle to grow up and treating people like dog shit. What was that all about?

Anyway we guys had a waz in the hedges and went in then, thank fuckery. Atmosphere? Knife? Cut?

The bright lights sobered me up suddenly and I just felt bladdered. I just grabbed my sleeping stuff and dragged it behind me along the floor to the Chandelier room. It’s probably collected two thousand years worth of dust for me to breathe in but hey ho. I’m bushed. The others are all settling down now so………mmmmmm.

Just noticed that Annabelle has set up camp right next to Dez! What??????? She’s almost on top of the poor dude. Man, he’ll be steamed if he wakes up and finds her there, sleeping bag stalking. Oh well….I’m well comfy here. Time for a nice long kip………………

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